Yup, it finally happened. I knew it would sooner or later, just that I was hoping for later. I could feel it coming on but there was nothing I could do but just go with it. Believe me, I fought it and fought it. I had a melt down. Nothing to be ashamed of. As you all know, my life has been in a uproar for the past couple of months. First with Jb fixing to be deployed out, then with the news of a grandbaby, then Christmas, then getting ready for a wedding.
First things first, Jb is being shipped in a few weeks. I have tried and tried to be strong for him. I didn't want him to see how upset I was. So, I put on this act and didn't let anyone see how this was affecting me. Then we get some news. A GRANDBABY!!!! Now, don't get me wrong, I am excited. Very excited but also the reality of getting older. Then Christmas, again, it goes with the stress of being the last one with JB until he returns home 18 months later. Then we was trying to get a wedding together for January 24. Talk about some stress!!!! Not to mention more wrinkles, and more gray hair. Not to even mention trying to get a house built for Kasey and get everything done so they can move in. All this within a 7 week time frame. We survived Christmas, we survived the house building, I survived the wrinkles, but hey, my horses don't care about the wrinkles or the gray hair, they know who I am, anyway. And just when we are trying to put the finish touches on the wedding. BAM, no wedding. Or won't be one until October.
I could feel something going on with my body but I just decided to ignore it. I kept going full speed, hitting the rodeos, and trying to be everywhere at one time. WRONG!!!! The next thing I remember is hitting rock bottom. Just crying, and crying and couldn't stop. I couldn't think and I couldn't eat. WHOA!!!! You know things are bad when this bad mamajomba doesn't eat. I had been 3 days without eating. My body shut down on me. You are probably wondering why I didn't go to a doctor. And here I am with a neice who is a doctor. I have come to conculsion that I'm a real good actress. No one could see the signs. The only one who picked up on something was my mare, Dass, we was turning horrible times at the rodeos. It wasn't because I wasn't pushing her or riding her. She knew I wasn't on the same page as her.
I'm still not back yet, I'm having a real hard time letting go of JB. I don't know how to deal with it. My nerves are shot. But somehow, I will get thru this. I did turn over a new leaf. As you know, my hair reached down to my butty, well, it barely touches my shoulders now. Talk about some curls now.
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10 comments:
Oh, honey! (((((((((((hugs))))))))))))
Just hang in... it will get better...((((hugs))))
Well my dear, you have taken the weight of the world on your shoulders. You are a strong women, but there are limits. When my oldest son went into the Navy I was ok with it. It was a whole different story when my youngest decided to go visit his brother in Seattle. I was a mess for a year and had a hard time dealing with it. Took me a bit to figure it out, empty nest thing I guess. Pamper yourself a bit, and remember how much you are loved. One of our jobs as parents is to raise our little birds up with strong wings, so when they leave the nest they can soar.
Oh now I feel terrible. Here it was just an ol birthday and i had a meltdown. Look at you and your lifes ups and downs. ((hugs)) I don't know what I will do? My son is a senior in Highschool. He will most likely join a branch of the military when he graduates. You have a wedding and a grandbaby to think of? No wonder you broke down. Poor friend, You take care and know that you are loved and in my prayers.
Just breathe and eat. It will get better I promise. And JB will be fine. Just send him a lot of letters and packages. The guys like a lot of beef jerky. They can't get that over there. My heart goes out to you. My little boy's dad went on two tours.
I hope you are feeling better. And isn't amazing how animals can pick up on things. Sending you a big (((((HUG))))). Get some rest, and spend some time with your boy.
Hi, just coming by to check and see how you are doing. Love Ya
Just thinking about you...and keeping you in my prayers for sure. I have been there with the military stuff. ((((hugs)))) and the wedding ((((( hugs)))))) and I have been there with the melt down too. Hang in there..we are all pulling for you!
Your hair!! I have been considering the same, actually! do you love it???????
Hi there, just stopping in to leave some love and wish you well.
Hi there,
I am back after being gone for while saying my own goodbyes...
I am sorry for you - I don't know exactly how you feel but I can imagine it - watching my cousin march off to the unknown God knows how many times...
And I am a pro as well at hiding my problems by the time I am ready to admit that I am depressed...again... I am well on my way to a nervous breakdown. And I know - I know how hard it is to admit that, but I also know I gotta do it. And we do - cause we are cowgirls.
From one cowgirl to the other I am sending you a big online ((((HUG)))).
aww Laura..hugs..sometimes we mamas take on so much and hold it in too much sometimes..but glad you did get it out and have a good cry over it all..sometimes that does help a bit. but oh my..a big hug to you.
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